Sunday, December 4, 2016

It's just life...

I wanted today's title to be something like a shout...maybe, ENOUGH or CRANKY or maybe simply I GIVE UP.  Sometimes I try to think about how I'm feeling, trying to compare it to last month or 3 months ago etc and all I can come up with is ick, Ewww, bad, gross.   But is it all that way? Were there not some good days?  I know there have been, there have to be right?  Otherwise how would one remaine sane.

I remember talking to my Doctor a few months back about it...why no remissions this year.  He gently apologized, I love that about him by the way, he reminded me that the past 3 years have been rough.  My moms death, two surgeries not to mention just the usual stuff that occurs in my crazy house.  He gently told me one surgery is bad enough on my body but two have just pushed it to its limit.  I mean I received the flu shot at the end of October and I've never had a reaction like this years.  I was tossed rather unceremoniously into a pit of pain and fatigue that rendered my usually good natured attitude right into the soup of dismay...I'm so sorry to my family who takes the blunt of it, to my friends who may have noticed a decrease in communication.

You see a flare doesn't mean just increased pain and fatigue but also a shutting down of very reactive senses...noises are louder, nerves are tighter, eyes are blurry and sore, scents are jarring pain shoots through my hands with simple tasks and I just plain don't want to put effort into anything.

But as with all things this too shall pass or in my case lessen.  ?right?  Sometimes I wonder, but I do know there are good days coming there always are and this doesn't mean pain free or energy full days it just means that as I get closer to the bottom of my reserves I know without a doubt that's when Christ takes over...I love those times, yup you heard right, in the midst of pain and fatigue I love it when I can just press up against Him, close my eyes and feel His presence in a most profound way...

His promises are what gets me up in the morning, what makes me put one foot in front of the other and put a smiling face on, so I will continue on I will not give up I will find peace and joy in everyday things and I promise to try and be less cranky, less inward looking and to put effort into positive communicating

Monday, October 24, 2016

Busy...busy...busy

My idea of busy is likely quite different than most folks.  October has been a crazy month for me... 2 road trips with overnight stays, thanksgiving, and a returned son moving in. It feels like October just zoomed past.  This week is a bit quieter, Keith works 3 -12 hour shifts Mon-Wed., mid term exams are done for my 2 university kids, our sweet adopted family is in Vancouver for surgery so no scheduled babysitting (although I am quite sure we will spend some time there this week helping Nicole).

I think I am looking forward to November it's kind of like the calm before the Christmas storm, I hope!  So the next three days for me will revolve around resting, laundry and sewing...a few yummy meals are planned ahead making that much easier.  I do have a Dr. Appointment and we are attending a funeral on Thursday, an old high school friend if Keith's and as is usually the case we will be seeing some old friends from our early 20s.

There are a few fun events I may consider attending...girls night at Real Deals for home decor on Wednesday evening and a sale at my favorite yarn shop, Knit2Yarns, in Valleyview on Saturday!

So here's to the last week of October...and sigh the beginning of Winter season.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Wait a minute...

When did this happen?  When did September suddenly arrive?  Nope, I'm not ready at all...I want more heat and beach days, more lounging at the campsite more outdoor evenings with friends. Summer is not as much fun without the constant presence of the sun. This summer has been a bit lacklustre.  I do however have friends who have quite enjoyed the cooler days, and yes it does have its own plus side.  But I feel ripped off...  Ok I know we can still have an amazing warm fall...but as far as trends go I'm not holding my breath at this point.

Oh there are great things I love about fall too...the warm sun even on crisp days, the bounty coming in from the fields, the stunning colors of fall...warm casseroles and soups.  Wearing jeans, hopefully lol, and sweaters...cozy socks and blankets.  I could keep going...I try to find the joy in every season and every day, it has become a part of my self care.  So even though I know summer is passing, there will be another one right around the corner.

Every day has a blessing in it somewhere, reach for it, search for it and enjoy the warmth it brings...look hard for it, it is worth it!

Wait a minute...

When did this happen?  When did September suddenly become 8 days away?  Nope, I'm not ready at all...I want more heat and beach days, more lounging at the campsite more outdoor evenings with friends. Summer is not as much fun without the constant presence of the sun. This summer has been a bit lacklustre.  I do however have friends who have quite enjoyed the cooler days, and yes it does have its own plus side.  But I feel ripped off...  Ok I know we can still have an amazing warm fall...but as far as trends go I'm not holding my breath at this point.

Oh there are great things I love about fall too...the warm sun even on crisp days, the bounty coming in from the fields, the stunning colors of fall...warm casseroles and soups.  Wearing jeans, hopefully lol, and sweaters...cozy socks and blankets.  I could keep going...I try to find the joy in every season and every day, it has become a part of my self care.  So even though I know summer is passing, there will be another one right around the corner.

Every day has a blessing in it somewhere, reach for it, search for it and enjoy the warmth it brings...look hard for it, it is worth it!

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Life hits hard

...it always amazes me how life can hit us, usually out of the blue and from what seems like all directions.  I just finished writing a note to my Aunt, my Uncle Hugh has been diagnosed with aggressive lung cancer.  They got the diagnosis on Friday and today, Tuesday he is in hospital with questions about needing hospice.  They haven't even talked to an oncologist yet.  Then 1 1/2 hours away another Uncle is recovering from major surgery including removing his gallbladder, part of his liver and a large part of his colon and is awaiting biopsy results.

For some families uncles are seen at weddings and funerals...but not our family...we were always around family, spent summers together and Christmases...even mixed it up as both my dad and moms family knew each other fairly well, well most of them...my dads family is 12 and moms was 4 kids. It made for a huge number of aunts, uncles and cousins.  Weirdly enough my Uncle Marlin and Aunt Alice(dads sister and brother in law) lived next door to my moms childhood home, my mom babysat for them...so these two uncles specifically knew each other fairly well.

My heart is overwhelmed, memories if my moms illness and death are just constantly whirling around in my head and my empathy for my aunts and cousins is tearing at me because you never know what loosing a parent is like until you face it.

My mind is frantically looking and calling out to God and I know He is wading towards me ever straight, it is I myself that puts the muck around me and as soon as I let it go He will be there with His strong arms and strength to hold me up in the days and months ahead.  While I do not fear death at all,  I fear the pain of that temporary loss and change it daily life that it brings and of watching those around my hurt and grieve.

Saturday, July 23, 2016

Tell the Egyptians it was delicious...

...well yesterday was a double treat day we went to babysit Mattias and Rachekl yesterday and it just so happens that Naders whole family is here, his 2 sisters from Egypt and his brother from the East coast...so mattias' Teta(grandma) was busy cooking up a storm and wanted to share some authentic Egyptian cuisine with Meghan and I.  So we had Koshary (mix of rice, lentils, pasta with a tomato vinegar sauce) and Kofta (beef kabobs made with ground beef and spices)... I am sure my dear friend Anne would be so proud of me!  It was very yummy and funnily enough Nader popped his head up the stairs and asked us what we thought of it...he actually said "what can I tell the Egyptians...lol"

It was amazing to hear them all together ... Very loud and excitedly talking in Arabic...a very happy family 💕

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Oh Mr. Sun!

Mr. Golden Sun, please shine down on me...ok enough already I'm feeling all mossy and humid...I want my dry heat back and I want it now! It has been awhile since we have had to undure such a rainy cool July and I am really quite over it.

I want to go swimming and camping and feel the fan blowing warm air on my face...lol.

Megs and I are heading out to Lac Le Jeune today(Wednesday) thru to Saturday then home to repack and off to Shuswap lake for a few nights and I need some sunshine.  We are picking up our favorite little three year old on Friday for a night at Lac le Jeune and while I'm not too sure about a three year old in a wheelchair who needs catheterization 4 times a day...I am glad Meghan will be with me to do the chasing around part.  I am sure it will be fun kids make camping so much better...and we can do it!

The forcast actually as days of sunshine in it so fingers crossed...summer is here!